


Overreacting

by Fangodess



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: But like not cutting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, scratching as self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:11:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangodess/pseuds/Fangodess
Summary: Connor and Evan are fighting





	Overreacting

**Author's Note:**

> this might be bad and ooc and i tried to portray evan stuttering but it might have made it hard to read so im not sure. I hope its at least okay this is my first DEH fanfic

“If you don’t get out of my fucking face Hansen I’ll hit you,” Connor screamed. Everything froze. The look on Evan’s face was one that he would never forget. He looked terrified, terrified of Connor his brain unhelpfully supplied. Evan was bolting out the door before Connor could even begin to speak.   
“Wait I didn’t…” he tried desperately but it was too late Evan was already gone.  
“Fuck,” Connor cried throwing himself against the wall and sliding down, “Fuck,” he yelled louder into the now empty house. He screwed up the only good thing he had left. The one thing he hadn’t fucked up yet. He was supposed to be getting better, he was supposed to stop lashing out at the people he loved. The pills that Mrs. Hansen, Heidi he corrected, had convinced his parents to finally get him were supposed to make him better. Maybe it wasn’t the pills fault maybe his dad had been right all along maybe he wasn’t trying hard enough. Evan was the only person he hadn’t hurt yet, which wasn’t even true, he had pushed him down that day they met. After that day, he had vowed to never hurt him again but of course he had screwed it up, just as he always did. The fear in Evan’s eyes made him hate himself more than ever.  
“Fuck,” he curled in on himself sobbing.  
***   
Evan knew he was overreacting. Connor would never hit him, Evan knew that. He knew he was overreacting. He was halfway down the street when he collapsed. He couldn’t breathe, he needed to stop overreacting. This was all Evan’s fault, he shouldn’t have pushed Connor. He wasn’t even smoking the weed Evan found. He should have just trusted Connor when he said it was old, back when he self-medicated. Connor was getting better and aggravating him was not helping. He couldn’t breath at this point. He looked frantically around for his bag. Crap, he had left his bag, and by extension his pills, at Connor’s. He couldn’t breath. He needed to practice what the therapist had told him. He can’t rely on the pills forever. Why does he even need them in the first place? Why cant he just breath like a normal person. He knew that he needed to just breath, in for 6, hold for 4, and out for 6. He needed to calm down.   
Eventually after what felt like forever he was able to breath normally enough again. He stood shakily and walked back to Connor’s. When he arrived at the door he slowly opened it and walked in. He tried to breath calmly as he walked up the stairs. The door was still ajar and he could hear Connor inside, crying. Something inside Evan broke. He walked in and the sight he was met with broke his heart. Connor was curled in a ball on his floor, sobbing, and scratching his arms to the point where blood had begun to run down his arms. He knelt next to him.  
“C…Con…Connor,” Evan said hesitantly. This caused Connor’s head to snap up, his eyes were red rimmed, “Oh, Connor. I’m so sorry. C…come here,” he said gently pulling his hand apart and took his hands in his own.  
“I’m sorry,” Connor whimpered.  
“It’s…it’s o…okay...ay. You did…didn’t do an…nything,” he said tenderly kissing his palms.  
“I’m sorry. It’s just I drove you away, like I do to everyone, and my mind wasn’t stopping and I couldn’t focus. I’m sorry, are you mad?” Connor asked sounding broken.  
He carefully brushed Connor’s hair out of his face, “No, I’m not mad. I’d never be m…mad at you…ou for this. I’m so sorry I left you. Come on let’s g…go c…clean your arms,” he said guiding Connor to standing.  
Connor stumbled after Evan until they arrived in the bathroom. Evan turned on the cold water and opened the cupboards until he found Band-Aids and a washcloth.  
“Tell m…me if I’m hu…hurting you,” Evan says terrified that he was going to screw up and hurt Connor.  
“You won’t, I trust you,” Connor says quietly holding out his arms.  
“It’s going to be c…cold but it sh…should bring the sw…swelling down and c…cool your arms,” Evan said guiding Connor to the sink and bringing his arms under the running water. Connor’s arms slowly began to sting less and eventually Evan took his arms out from under the flow of the water. He turns the water off and begins to dry his arms off with the washcloth. He unwrapped Band-Aids and put them over the deepest scratches on his arms. When Evan was finished he tenderly kissed each of Connor’s wrist and then took him back to his room and sat down on his bed and pulled Connor into his lap.  
Connor turned around, wrapping himself around Evan, and burying his face in his neck, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.  
“It’s okay,” he said rubbing his back calmly.  
“No, it’s not, I threatened to hurt you and made you afraid of me and I promised myself I would never hurt you and I did,” he said beginning to cry again.  
“Shhh,” Evan said gently stroking his back.  
“I’m sorry. I know I’m supposed to be getting better and I don’t know why I’m not. I’m trying, I swear I don’t know why the pills aren’t working. I must not be trying hard enough. I’m sorry, please don’t leave me,” Connor mumbled frantically into Evan’s neck.  
“I’m not… I wasn’t going to leave you. I’m sorry. Di… did I make you think that? Also the p…pills they… they are working. I can tell you’re getting less v…violent and if there n…not and it’s not you, it’s the pills. If they tru…truly aren’t then we…we’ll figure out what isn’t working and I’ll h…help you. You can’t ex…expect them to work immediately,” Evan said.  
“But I threatened to hit you. That’s not normal, I’m not normal. Honestly, I’m not sure why you’re with me in the first place, I’m a mess.”  
“Hey l…lo… look at me. Mood sw…swings that’s a s…side ef…ffect of the m…medication you’re on. I’m…m not going to l…leave you. I love you. Yo...you’re n…no mo…more screwed up...p than I am…m,” Evan stuttered out.  
“I doubt that,” Connor said laughing dryly, “Wait did you just say you…”  
“Yeah I did but its… it’s probably too early for me to be saying that. So… so just ignore m..me, sorry,” Evan said looking away.  
Connor places his hand on Evan’s jaw and carefully turns him so he was face to face with him again and then he kisses him softly when they pull back Connor says, “I love you too.”  
“I love you,” Connor said kissing him and pushing him down so that they were fully laying down on his bed. Connor buried his face into Evan’s chest, “I love you,” he mumbled.  
“I love you too,” Evan says kissing Connor’s head and running his fingers through his hair. They lay there tangled together for the rest of the night, occasionally kissing and mumbling I love you’s to each other.


End file.
